An Introduction

I am a university student from Melbourne, Australia, male, and in a healthy, fulfilling relationship that at the time of writing has lasted 26 months. I work on the premise that one can only advise on what one has experienced - as such everything I say here I have learnt from my repeated mistakes and failures, and everything I say here I have applied to the effect of great success.

One thing I have learnt is that healthy, long-lasting and fulfilling relationships are inevitably hard work. You need to fully accept and appreciate this before you get anywhere with them. If you think relationships should be easy, or you think something along the lines of 'if we were right for each other, the relationship would come naturally and be easy', then your thinking is gravely flawed, no further advice of mine will help you, and have fun with your future dysfunctional relationships and the trail of damaged people (including yourself) that you're sure to leave behind.

It is fundamentally important to your relationship that you recognise problems early on and 'nip them in the bud'. People can be - understandably - averse to acknowledging a fault or problem in themselves, their partner, or their relationship. Essentially they are facing a reality that runs against their perceptions of said reality. While you don't want to over-analyze things or create problems out of nothing ('I notice that you are very close to your mother/female friend, I should be able to provide you with whatever she does, so let's work on that' is ridiculous, for instance), you need to be able to identify problems and potential problems early on because the nature of relationship problems is that they ferment and exacerbate without proper attention and appropriate action. Any therapist who performs couple therapy will tell you that much marital discord comes about through failure to address the problem earlier (I'm not saying that your relationship is analogous to marriage - it isn't, and if you do have a marriage or a serious, adult relationship then I am really sorry for you and your partner that this is where you come for advice - none of us have advice, knowledge or experience that transcends the scope of relationships between very young adults). I cannot give a list of problems that may arise in your relationship and early warning signs of them, such a list would be beyond exhaustive and never anywhere near complete. If you feel you may have a problem and want to 'confirm' it, most of the relationship thread regulars should be able to help you, but ultimately, you are going to have to use your own judgement.